Mindful Bereavement - Recovery from Loss

Mindful bereavement following a great loss

27 Nov 2019

Nawrin was an only child, born in a small town in Bangladesh and brought up with great care and immense love by her mother. Nawrin’s mother was so protective about her that she rarely allowed Nawrin to go outside the four walls of the home, let alone the town. She would not miss her daughter, even in the blink of an eye. The mother and daughter formed a natural friendship, an unbreakable bond that is rarely found — they were to be best friends forever.

When Nawrin was 10 years old, her mother was diagnosed with a minor heart disease. The disease could be treated properly, but the absence of awareness and the presence of fear, delayed any procedural treatment. As time went by, Nawrin grew up from an indulged girl to a beautiful woman. Her mother always imagined that she would marry someone next door so that she always remained in sight.

Nawrin met her prince, a technologist from overseas, and they fell in love and got married. Nawrin moved to sunny Australia with her husband. Her mother was devastated. Nawrin would call her every day and they would talk for hours, laughing about every little joy, crying together for any little pain.

A few years later Nawrin was blessed with a beautiful baby girl. Life became a little busy for Nawrin and her mother dreamt that she would return home one day, filling her empty, shaken heart. Nawrin went home for a holiday, hoping to relax and eat all the favourite food her mother would cook, to her heart’s content.

However, during this time Nawrin’s mother fell sick, her heart became weaker and weaker and she passed away one evening in that peaceful town, putting an end to all her suffering.

Nawrin was beyond devasted with her loss. Every day she wished that all of it was just a dream, that her mother could never leave her. She wondered in what heaven she lay and was she able to see Nawrin burning in despair night after night?

Things got worse. Nawrin’s husband became sick. Being the loving and caring wife she is, Nawrin needed and wanted to support her husband, all while still grieving for her mother and being a mother herself.

Initially she tried to run away from it, but how could she effectively run away from the very thought of her mother’s face? Nawrin tried to fight away the uncomfortable emotions but the pain came back, again and again. She felt tired of fighting, everything was so much of an effort.

Finally, Nawrin tried the kinder means, befriending her agony. She became aware of it, curious about it, she learnt to lean into it. She acknowledged every thought of her mother, told her that she would meet her again in heaven, but for today, tomorrow and in years to come – there was so much that needed to be done. She made lists of things that had to happen, concentrated on the nutrition of her daughter and wellbeing of her husband. Every time the thought of her mother appeared in her heart, she breathed deep and imagined her sing:

“if I should go tomorrow, it would never be goodbye, for I have left my heart with you, so don’t you ever cry.”

Every time the uncomfortable emotion spurred into her mind, she breathed deep and imagined her singing again:

“the love that’s deep within me, shall reach you from the stars, you’ll feel it from the heavens and it will heal the scars.”

Nawrin learned to accept and embrace her grief. Agony being the cloud that just provided mindful company. Nawrin, uttered her voice and drove tirelessly and courageously to reach where she needed to be, happy.

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Sabbir Ahmed

Sabbir Ahmed is the founder of Comprosition Pty Ltd. He is also an accomplished technology consultant with more than 17 years of experience in business applications. Sabbir has worked as a development architect across many large organizations in Australia. He is also an author with a deep interest in lifestyle, health and art. Sabbir acquired his Bachelor's Degree in Information Technology from Edith Cowan University, Perth, Western Australia in 2002.